Better Schools
developed by
the ref toolkit at Christchurch Boys' High School
In July 2026, with support from Movember, BetterMan delivered the REF Toolkit to students at Christchurch Boys' High School (CBHS).
What is
better schools & the REF Toolkit?
Better Schools is a school wellbeing programme developed by BetterMan and The Wellbeing Works, which includes professional development for teachers, wellbeing seminars for parents and caregivers, and the REF Toolkit, a practical student wellbeing framework that helps young people develop resilience, emotional awareness and healthy habits.
REF stands for Relationships, Emotions and a Flexible mindset.
Students learn practical tools to strengthen connection, manage emotions and pressure, challenge unhelpful thinking and make choices that reflect the kind of person they want to be.
The name carries another idea too: like a referee, young people can learn to pause, assess what is happening and choose their next move.
relationships
Students learn practical ways to strengthen connection, identify who they can turn to for support and become better at encouraging and supporting others.
emotional agility
Students learn to recognise and name emotions, calm their body when pressure rises and use simple strategies to shift unhelpful emotional states.
Flexible Mindset
Students learn to notice harsh self-talk and unhelpful thinking, focus on what they can control and choose a more constructive response when things do not go to plan.
The REF toolkit in action
Build Your REF Toolkit
The first 90 minute workshop - Build Your REF Toolkit, provided a range of tools to strengthen Relationships, manage Emotions and build a Flexible mindset.
This was delivered to 83 mostly Year 12 and 13 boys who filled out a short survey after the workshop.
8.8/10 average overall rating (median rating 9 out of 10, 92% rated it 8-10 out of 10)
95% would definitely or probably recommend the workshop to another student
Students’ comments showed they valued the highly engaging and interactive delivery and positive environment making the content easy to understand and “stick”.
“Good way to control emotions”
“Great helpful advice”
“How to be a better man/friend”
“Enjoyed the openness with talking about how important your head/mind is”
One-day pilot
The workshop was followed by a more intensive one-day pilot during the school holidays for students considering becoming Monitors (student leaders) in 2027. Demand was strong enough that CBHS contributed additional funding so a second group could take part. In total, 55 students participated.
The sections included:
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The Real Scoreboard: Identifying the values students want to live by, rather than measuring themselves only by status, appearance or achievement.
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Under Pressure: Practical tools to stay composed, focus on what they can control and perform more effectively under pressure.
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Choose Your Move: Recognising how thoughts, feelings and physical reactions influence behaviour — then pausing and choosing a more useful response.
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Looking Forward: Identifying strengths and imagining a positive, personally meaningful future to work towards.
Ihi Research independently evaluated the programme delivered to the boys who took part in the pilot, with a pre- and post-programme online survey. We also gathered written feedback from the boys during the one-day programme, primarily to help us learn which sections were the most valuable and what we could improve.
This report presents the findings from all the research sources.
The results are encouraging – particularly because the boys who took part in the pilot one-day programme began from a position of strength.
“The baseline survey paints a picture of a highly capable and optimistic group of young men who entered the programme with strong foundations in wellbeing, leadership and relationships.” – Ihi Research
Before the programme, their average life-satisfaction score was 8.05 out of 10. Nearly three-quarters rated their current wellbeing 8 or higher, and every student agreed that even when things were difficult, they could find ways to move forward.
They already understood that relationships matter. They were optimistic about their futures. They had been identified by their school as potential leaders.
While attitudes towards wellbeing were already very positive, practical skills were less established. Before the programme, 63.6% said they knew a specific technique to calm their body quickly when stressed or under pressure.
This was where Ihi Research identified the clearest opportunity for growth: practical emotional regulation and self-management skills.
“Awareness helps young people recognise what matters; capability enables them to respond effectively when those ideas are tested in everyday life.”
“Students entered the programme already believing that relationships matter, that leadership is important and that seeking help is a strength… Instead, the programme appears to have strengthened students' understanding of how to put these beliefs into practice.”
– Ihi Research
Relevant to general life
“The focus was not only on the sporting aspects, but just general life as well.”
From reacting to responding
One idea came through particularly strongly in the independent evaluation: Pause.
When students were asked which parts of the REF Toolkit they found most valuable, Pause was mentioned more often than any other individual tool. 19 students named it among their most valuable strategies.
And when asked what they intended to do differently after the programme:
18 students said they intended to pause before reacting.
Others said they intended to:
10 show greater kindness
9 use breathing/calming strategies
8 make decisions based on values
7 think before speaking
7 encourage/support others
4 maintain a more positive mindset
2 check in with/better understand others.
Their written comments make the intention very concrete:
“I intend to pause before I have an impulsive reaction, and more effectively manage my stress with the Power Breath technique.”
“Take a moment to think before I react and try to name emotions when having a strong reaction.”
Responding more calmly under pressure
Tools for real pressure
“Taking your time is crucial… it helps you respond in a more calm and collected way.”
“Public speaking… breathing before and just getting in the right headspace.”
Tools that stick
Practical tools that stick
“I could just take a Power Breath… now I can remember it.”
Most remembered tools:
Students could hame up to three – these are mentions not percentages.
19 Pause
14 Vision Board
11 FBI
10 CPR
9 CAN/positive affirmations
8 Heroes
7 Power Breath
6 MVP
Skills that transfer to real life
“When I go up on stage, you get nervous… those techniques definitely help.”
“Perhaps the most distinctive finding emerging from the evaluation is the extent to which students retained and described specific REF Toolkit strategies.”
– Ihi Research
Students named Pause, Vision Board, FBI, CPR, CAN, Power Breath, MVP, Heroes, the Internal and External Scoreboard and Shout Outs in their responses.
They were able to describe situations in which they could use these tools – sport, exams, public speaking, friendships, family and difficult conversations.
“Learning to pause, control myself, and talking to people I trust are the top three things I've learnt as I can use them effectively to help during stressful situations.”
“In cricket I am considering having a breath at the top of my run up and visualising what I am planning on doing…”
WHO DO I WANT TO BE?
A significant part of the programme asks boys to look beyond the things the outside world uses to keep score – status, appearance, achievement, approval – and consider the values and qualities they want to guide their own lives.
Boys described this in very ordinary language:
“Made me actually think and write down my values.”
“It was useful to reflect on things/values that you feel are important because we don't do it often naturally.”
“Think about who I want to be as I make decisions and how I interact with people.”
My values – not Instagram's
“It opened your eyes to your own values, not what Instagram is saying is good.”
Building character
“People worry about their status and what other people think… this is teaching us how to be ourselves.”
Backing each other
In the pilot one-day programme, the highest-rated part of the day was a section about noticing strengths in another person and sharing it out loud in front of the rest of their mini team.
Students rated it 9.09/10 on average.
39 of 41 boys rated it 8/10 or higher.
29 of 41 rated it 9 or 10.
Their comments capture why this mattered to them:
“Was good to do something that doesn't really occur among boys.”
“The photo activity was awkward at first, but it led to genuine comments which were nice to hear.”
“Nice, humbling and slightly awkward but good moment of connection.”
“Felt like I bonded with team mates.”
Creating space for boys to open up
“We got to connect a lot better and get a little bit vulnerable… but still in an enjoyable way.”
The Ihi evaluation asked what the boys intended to do differently following the programme.
10 students said they intended to show greater kindness, and
7 intended to offer more encouragement and support to others.
The responses suggest the learning was extending beyond self-management: boys were also thinking about how they wanted to treat and support the people around them.
“I CAN USE THIS”
The practicality and applicability of the programme is highlighted by these comments:
“Pause before certain arguments may unfold and make sure to keep to my values.”
“Be more positive and present with others and understand my emotions.”
“Pause before I speak in intense conversations, speak highly of others.”
“Next time I'm under pressure, I feel like I will be more smart about the decision I take.”
“Give people praise when they deserve it.”
“Think about what others are going through before blaming, and reacting.”
How useful did the students find the one-day programme?
Across 166 individual section ratings, the average was: 8.52 out of 10 for overall usefulness.
84% of all section ratings were 8–10 out of 10 (139 of 166)
52% were 9 or 10 out of 10 (87 of 166)
All four sections averaged above 8/10.
Section:
Backing Each Other
Under Pressure
Looking Forward
Real Scoreboard/Values
Average:
9.09
8.52
8.30
8.17
WHAT THE SCHOOL SAW
Tony Jones, Head of Counselling at Christchurch Boys' High School, observed all the workshops.
“Over the past 25 years, I have worked as a teacher, counsellor and wellbeing leader across a range of schools and organisations, observing, designing and facilitating leadership, wellbeing and resilience programmes. Without hesitation, BetterMan stands amongst the very best I have experienced.
What Todd, Ged and Kim created was far more than a leadership programme. They created an environment where young men genuinely felt safe enough to be honest, vulnerable and courageous. That level of psychological safety is incredibly difficult to establish with adolescent boys, particularly in a group setting, yet it was evident from the very beginning. To have boys openly reflecting on their experiences, respectfully challenging one another, sharing personal insights and actively supporting their peers is no simple task. Yet this happened consistently throughout the programme.
The content was exceptionally well designed, but what truly set BetterMan apart was the delivery. Todd, Ged and Kim have an authentic, relatable style that immediately earns credibility with young people. Every activity had purpose, every discussion felt meaningful, and the balance between challenge, humour, reflection and practical application kept every student engaged. Rather than simply listening, the boys were actively involved—thinking deeply, contributing confidently and learning from one another.
Having participated in many of the discussions, I witnessed conversations that I would rarely expect to hear in a school setting. Boys spoke openly about leadership, pressure, relationships, identity, setbacks, confidence and the expectations they place on themselves. Perhaps most impressively, they listened to one another with genuine respect. The connections that developed between peers over such a short period of time were remarkable and demonstrated just how powerful the programme is when young men are given permission, and the right environment, to have authentic conversations.
One of the highlights was seeing boys who would rarely contribute in traditional settings finding the confidence to share their perspectives. Every participant left with a greater understanding of themselves, while also developing a deeper appreciation of the strengths and experiences of those around them. Those shared experiences created stronger relationships that will undoubtedly continue long after the programme has finished.
We also had the opportunity to trial BetterMan with a small group of younger students. I was interested to see whether the programme would have the same impact with this age group, and I was genuinely impressed. The engagement, honesty and willingness to participate were every bit as strong. It reinforced my belief that the programme has significant value across multiple year levels and can positively influence boys well before they reach senior leadership positions.
If I could have every boy in our school experience BetterMan, I would do so without hesitation. I genuinely believe it would be one of the highest-impact investments we could make in developing not only stronger student leaders, but more self-aware, connected, resilient and compassionate young men. The return on that investment would extend well beyond school into families, friendships, workplaces and communities.
It was also an incredibly valuable opportunity for me professionally. As a school counsellor, it allowed me to build genuine connections with boys I may never have otherwise met. Through BetterMan, I was able to positively connect with approximately 10% of our school population, establishing myself as another trusted adult within our community. We know that having trusted adults within a school is one of the strongest protective factors for young people, and BetterMan naturally created opportunities for those relationships to develop.
BetterMan is one of those rare programmes that doesn't simply inspire students while they are in the room—it equips them with the confidence, language and relationships to continue growing long after the final session. It was a privilege to witness, and I have no doubt it will continue to have a lasting impact on the young men who experienced it.
Thank you, Todd, Ged and Kim, for what you have created. BetterMan isn't simply another leadership programme—it is a programme that genuinely changes conversations, relationships and, ultimately, young lives. I recommend it without reservation to any school looking to develop courageous, connected and emotionally intelligent young men.
If anyone would like to discuss our experience of BetterMan further, I would be more than happy to do so."
Tony Jones
Head of Counselling
Christchurch Boys' High School
“Students entered the programme with strong foundations in wellbeing and leadership, yet still described meaningful gains in practical capability. They left with a shared language, a memorable toolkit and clear intentions to apply what they had learned in their everyday lives.”
– Ihi Research
WHAT WE'RE LEARNING
The students were very positive overall, and they also provided useful feedback on where we can improve.
Some boys commented that the Under Pressure section of the one-day programme contained too much information or too many acronyms. Some students wanted more activities or more opportunities to practise the tools.
The final section of the one-day programme produced the widest range of responses from the ‘quick feedback’ rating sheets we gave the boys to fill out after each section. The Best Possible Self activity included time for the boys to create a vision board. Some boys loved having time to think creatively about their futures; others simply didn't enjoy making a vision board. It still averaged 8.30/10, but the variation gives us useful information about how to offer different ways for boys to engage with future-self work.
“I am not an artistic person so I may be biased! But I enjoyed the positive lens with which we looked at the future.”
“Not as immediate, but in the long run probably useful.”
We are using this feedback to keep simplifying the toolkit, increase opportunities to practise the skills, and ensure activities work for different kinds of learners.
We are also testing the programme in a very different school context. A pilot with Haeata Community Campus began in early August 2026. Unlike the CBHS pilot cohort – Year 12 boys who had put themselves forward for future leadership – Haeata is a co-educational Year 1–13 community campus with a culturally diverse student population, including a substantial proportion of Māori and Pacific ākonga.
The programme is being delivered as a series of shorter 60-minute workshops. This will give us an opportunity to learn how the tools land with a different group of young people, in a different school environment and delivery format.
WHAT WE KNOW SO FAR
This is early evidence from a relatively small pilot. The Ihi evaluation was conducted immediately after the programme and relied largely on student self-report, so it cannot yet tell us whether intended changes were sustained over time.
What it does show is that students remembered the tools, could explain how they could use them and identified specific changes they intended to make in response to pressure, decisions and relationships.
Beyond the workshops
We added another layer to the programme by providing the school with a series of newsletter articles helping parents and teachers understand the ideas behind the tools, see how they could support young people, and try some of the strategies themselves.
We also created a five-week REF Challenge app to keep the tools front of mind for students.
Each week, students watched a very short video from Todd reinforcing one of the skills. They could then earn points for their mini-teams by completing a fun quiz, a small activity or both, and follow their progress on the leaderboard.
Below are some screenshots from the app and examples of the responses students shared.
Week 1 – quiz answer corrected and point scored
Week 4
The leaderboard early on
The full 5 weeks view on desktop
Example of other actions to complete and the community ‘cheer on your team’ function.
Examples of what the boys wrote for different questions across the Challenge:
Name one tiny good thing from this week:
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“I was able help my friend with his physics work, then he was able to help me in english.”
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“My dinners. I have had really good food so far this week.”
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“I haven't been on my phone much.”
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“I got a lot of work done and wrote a lot in a geography exam.”
What was someone’s good news and how did you respond?
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“My friend passed an exam and i said to him, "thats so cool! You really worked hard for that, how do you feel now?"
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“My best friend had a won a really hard game of hockey. I responded with enthusiasm asked him questions and even though it wasn't my team was truly interested and happy for him”
Write your own version of your courage statement to flip the inner critic:
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“Charles, you've done this before you can do it again.”
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"You got this Koji! You got this."
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“Ben: you can do difficult things challenge yourself”
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“Jackson, I know it's challenging but you need to persevere.”